This weekend is Memorial Day weekend.....something that has special meaning for many families...and bittersweet memories for ours.

It was Memorial Day night, 2007, that Mark made a decision to halt treatment.  I think I will always spend this weekend remembering that night.  So many things were said.  So many emotions.  How can one be so devastated yet at the same time relieved that something horrendous was going to end.

I have looked for various hellos from Mark over the past week.  Two came in very special ways.  Two that I will have to go to the source to really appreciate, really remember.

The first was from a conversation online with my good friend, Donna Schumann.  She told me that she knew (Donna knows everything) that Mark's work ID badge had been found at the Fairview Heights store.  I contacted Tim and he told me that it had been found....and had been framed and hung with Mark's picture at the South County store.  He told us that we could have it.....but I like where it is.  Mark loved his Golf Discount brothers and for them to still remember him and put his picture and ID badge up....can't tell you how that meant.  I will be going to there sometime this weekend to see it.

The second was a dragonfly sighting.  I always look for them, and try to figure out why it is special.  This one, I know.  In 2001, a special little boy named Luke Maue went to the Zoo with his class.  He never came home.  He was killed by a drunk driver in front of the Zoo.  This week there was an article that a special bridge "Lukes Crossing" had been constructed.  There is a plaque telling all who cross over on this bridge Luke's story.  Words on a plaque that should never have been written.  The only other thing on this plaque is a dragonfly.  Luke's mom uses dragonflies for the same reason I do.

I pass by the Zoo every day I go to work.  I will be passing there again in about 30 minutes.  For now on, I won't even think of all that the Zoo has to offer.  I will be thinking of the one little picture of a Dragonfly, and hoping a superman of a son is maybe taking a little boy who just wanted to go to the Zoo with his class, on a ride on the Zoo train.

Remember everyone you loved who no longer walks with us.  

Special memories and thanks to my Dad, Donald Henderson, who is buried with his fellow comrades at Jefferson Barracks.

Today is my birthday.  I must say, I have had better ones.  I have a terrible head cold and Don has been feeding me cold tablets.  I don't have much energy and would prefer on this cold, rainy day to stay under the covers.

I am looking forward to going over to John's in a little bit.  I called them to find out what time they wanted us, and if they still wanted to get together.  I didn't need to talk to anyone except the person who answered the phone...Michael.  He told me he had a "surprise" for me and he and Danny were doing decorations.  Suddenly, the cold tablets kicked in....or was it the excitement in Michael's voice that made me feel so much better.

Yesterday was Mother's Day.  Don and I went and did some grocery shopping and stopped by the cemetery.  Such an awful thing to do on Mother's Day...to "visit" one's child in a cemetery.  I wasn't happy with the way Mark's grave looked.  There were weeds and dandelions.  I did the best I could to "clean" it up.  It had been recently mowed and there were grass cuttings all over the stone and on Mark's picture.  Don commented that Mark had a "dirty face" so we cleaned that up the best we could.

Mother's Day really doesn't start for me until I see John.  He and Tabby came over and we had dinner.  I had already given John his Mother's Day gift and didn't even have a card for him.  They gave me a beautiful picture with a dragonfly that will look perfect in our living room.  I like how John and Tabby give gifts with a"Mark twist" to them.  I have a suspicion that if Mark were still with us, he would be having Tabby do some of his gifting for him.  I don't think she realized that she married just one brother, but both of them.

We found presents at two different times on our porch.  Like last year, someone had left a beautiful metal dragonfly.....just like last year.  Yes, I wonder who put it there, yet I know that the person who did this had the intention of me feeling/believing it was from Mark.  It was so very special.  We have gone around the house trying to decide where to put it and have decided the very best place will be in our bedroom, hanging next to the window over our bed.  Every morning we will wake up and it will be one of the first things that we see.  I will not only think of Mark, but also of some unknown person who has a kind, kind heart.  There was also a beautiful green dragonfly pin.....and I wore it all day long.  I posted a picture of the dragonfly and the pin....but cut me out of the picture as much as I could....I looked as bad as I felt.

Whomever (is that the right word?) did this last year, and again this year....please know that although I would love to know who you are, I don't want to.  I know Mark must have been important to you and you have a full understanding of my hurt, but mostly of my love for my sons.  Keep it your secret.  I think you already know that it is one of the most special parts of my Mother's Day and birthday.   The magic you hoped would happen for me, absolutely did.

My mom and Bob came over.  We had bought a beautiful hanging basket for her.  Bob remembered how much I loved the macaroons he made at Christmas and made me my own plate of them.  We enjoyed their visit with us.  It was during that visit that both Mom and Bob insisted that with my cold, I should not sit at Debe's bedside today during her chemo.  I feel so bad in letting her down.

My true Mother's Day gift?  Watching John and Tabby with my wonderful grandsons.  Such good parents they are.

I loved the messages and the cards I have received.  One special card came with a bag of goodies and a few necessities that I needed.  I know who they are from...my roomie, Debbie A.  I am not sure if she brought them when we were grocery shopping....but the card goes in Mark's cabinet.  It made me cry, made my mother cry, and made Don grin.  

Earlier in the day, I was flipping through the TV channels and stopped to watch a movie.  I have seen it a hundred times through John, Mark and now my grandsons watching it.  Yet, for me, on Mother's Day, it was my hello from Mark.  The card only reinforced it.  Superman.  Now, why would that be a movie to be played on Mother's Day.

Yet, I can't think of a more appropriate hello.