I don't know if it is because there is more time that has passed since Mark left us, or the trip we took to console ourselves over his birthday.....but this year has been much easier.

I am back to work after getting in very late Monday night/Tuesday morning.  We then spent the day getting ready for the birthday party in the evening.  The boys loved their presents and by now are pretty intuned with letting balloons go and singing Happy Birthday to their uncle.  It was such a hectic afternoon and evening....cooking, trying to look at pictures, answering mail.  It wasn't the evening I had planned.....I felt so tired and so stressed.  We were so happy that my mom and Jim, Lois, Drew and Kate Brockmeyer came over.  Leave it to another Angel family to understand the importance of birthdays for angels.

Then, immediately back to work for three nights.  Yesterday I spent the day with my mom, got to see Katie and drove out to see Debe.  Today, I was a lazy bum, but it seemed to be the first time I was really able to catch my breath.

We took over 500 pictures.  Getting them developed was an issue because at first they developed the first 250 three times.  I went back and they finally got most of the others printed but I have noticed a few they missed.

It cost a small fortune to use the Internet on the trip.  I think the short note I posted on his birthday was like $15 so I stayed away from posting until now.

The hurt, the sad feelings are still there, but somehow we both felt Mark with us during the trip.  We met so many wonderful people.  We had pictures of Mark on our door and everyone in our area knew the reason we were there.

I know Mark would be pleased....I only cried about 4 times.  After Don and me buried his bracelet on a beautiful stretch of beach in Aruba, I cried for quite awhile.  Then again that night when we drank his Grey Goose vodka in OJ.....we both sat and said nothing for a long time. 

While we were gone, Mark's dog, Sage went to John and Tabitha's.  I don't think she is ever coming home again.  She loves it over there and they plan to keep her.  She sleeps with Danny, plays with their dog, Sammy, and really pays attention to John and Tabby.  The first night she cried all night.  The second night John slept on the couch with her so she wouldn't.  That makes me laugh everytime I think about it.......John was never a "dog person" and I am sure his brother had a good laugh about that.

So, it is unusually quiet here without her.  Mark would be all over Sage staying with John.  He left most everything he had to John so they may as well have his dog.

Taking this trip I think helped me get over a hurdle or two.  I feel much less stressed, much less tearful, and am able to still think about Markie all the time and not feel that horrible pang in my heart.  I know he is ok.  I was comforted so much by the "Happy Birthdays" posted by his friends on his facebook page.  No one has forgotten him.

It helps me to close my eyes and remember perhaps the most beautiful place I have ever seen....Aruba.   I remember we were there on his birthday, and that the only thing that marks that we were there is a bracelet with "Mark DeWalle" written on it. 

There are so many wonderful memories.....and I do consider them Mark memories.  I could never tell all the stories, share all the pictures here....but a few of the highlights:

1.   There being only 27 people on the plane to San Juan.

2.   Meeting people I had "met" on a cruise forum.  They posted a sign on each of the people's door who had been on this forum......and on it was a dragonfly.

3.  The license plate in Aruba. (I love you too, Mark)

4.  Burying Mark's bracelet.

5.  The waiters bringing a cake and singing "Happy Birthday, Mark" to Don and me.  The head waiter made a nice little speech to Don and me on how we were to remember how at peace Mark is now.

6.  Being one of two or three out of about 20 people who actually made it through the rainforest and to the waterfall and spring.  Actually, I had to pee so bad I was determined to make it.

7.  Such lovely, wonderful evenings just sitting on the balcony, watching the sea, and talking to Don about our wonderful sons.

8.  Going deep into Puerto Rico to the non-tourist area with friends we met.

9.  Having not one thing go wrong.....well, other than...........number 10

10.   Packing so well the night before that I walked off the ship and through customs barefoot because I had packed every shoe I had.

Don did pretty well on the trip.  There were a couple of days that he had to sit most of the time because his hands, ankles were so swollen and he was in a great deal of pain......but that is the reason we took the cruise....there was so much time that he could do this and still enjoy the ocean.  I think the rest was good for him.

Today we heard from Frankie.  I was glad he had called because I didn't get a chance to talk to him before we left.  He was at the airport in Texas, ready to fly to London.  From London he was going to Dubai, then off to Iraq.   He has been unable to find work and even went to Texas for a few months.  He is going to be working in Iraq for the next year.  I know he will be safe, and come home with all sorts of stories.

I didn't dream of Mark once while on the trip...perhaps because he was so busy sending me signs.  It is late, and I look forward to going to bed already somewhat rested....and hoping that he has time to come visit me.

We took a tour of Aruba today before we headed to the beach.......and for the second time on this trip we got a numeric hello from Mark.....the first being in the very large plane we flew to San Juan from Atlanta....there were only 27 people.

Today on the tour bus....Don noted the license plate number.  The plates have two rows of numbers....the first row on this plate was 0027.......the second was  00166 (our address).

Happy Birthday,  son.   Tonight we are going to drink your Grey Goose we smuggled on (I know you are proud) and we buried one of your bracelets on the Marchebo beach in Aruba.  We miss you, love you.....and wish only that you were here and we were at home worrying about you.

Does the Marchebo beach look like Heaven????   I am pretty sure it does...................