John's Eulogy for His Brother

John's Eulogy for His Brother

    With any endeavor Mark chose...he always consulted his brother, John. His older brother was his mentor and there is no one else whose approval on any matter that could overshadow the feelings Mark had for him. Don and Barb always tried to have the best for their sons....and that is perhaps why Mark had the one perfect brother.
     Mark had reviewed all of his fears, all of his regrets to John. It was John who Mark wanted to see when told in January that the cancer may take his life. It was John who Mark wanted called in at midnight when the fears became too much. It was John who Mark wanted to carry out his plans for his funeral. It was John who Mark wanted to help his parents through the days, weeks and years following his death. It was John who would carry on Mark's legacy.....through coaching some Mehlville Panthers...to teaching others to care for themselves...to reliving their childhood and brotherhood through Michael and Danny.
    It was also John whom Mark wanted to speak at his funeral. On the way to St. Francis, John told his parents that he couldn't do his speech. He said "I just can't. Mark is well represented." He also said he would share it with all of us....here is what John couldn't say at Mark's funeral.

The first picture taken of John and Mark

I never thought, and still cannot believe that I am here today. I will try to do Mark justice.

When this began, Mark and I had agreed that we would beat this together. We have always understood that Mark did not have cancer, but we all had cancer. I also knew that if Mark said he was going to beat this, that he probably would. I have learned not to doubt anything Mark got in his mind to do. He was very stubborn in that regard and there was no sense in arguing with him.

Growing up, I could not ask for a better little brother. My dad always told me that Mark was the best friend I would have and he was right. I was told it was my job to protect him and teach him things. I tried to teach him the important things in life: like how to build a fort in the basement using every blanket and sheet in the house, and how to long snap a football. It may have been my job to protect him, but really, we looked out for each other. One way we looked out for each other was to give each other free days from school. We would alternate turns by week. One of us would call mom at work, and explain how sick the other one was. Mom and dad did not know for years after that we had this scheme going. I have a lot of stories about us growing up, but I think I would like to keep most of them for myself.

Mark and John...sharing their triumphs always together

I have been proud of Mark since the day he was born. I was proud that Moggie was my baby brother……..he hated that nickname by the way. I was proud watching him grow up into the man he became. I was proud watching him become a leader on his sports teams and in his career. He promised me that he would win a state championship for me, and he did. I was proud of him. I was even prouder the next year, at his final game, when his team losing in the final seconds, and Mark kept playing on……through the tears, until the game was done. He saw that the end was near, that the game had been lost, but he still continued to play as hard as he could. I was proud. When he fought back cancer three years ago and the moved to Memphis to get on with his life……I was proud. When he made the decision to take control of his cancer and live out the end of his life on his terms….. I was sad, but proud. I was proud he let me ride home with him in the ambulance. When he got up off of the stretcher, turned around, shook hands with each of the paramedics and said, “Thank You”, I was proud. When sitting in his room with him, he sat up and matter of factly stated, “John…. Have you thought about pallbearers? Have you thought about speakers?” He then told me what he wanted for today. I was proud.

I was proud of the man that Mark had grown up to become. There were many sides to Mark, and to know them all was to know Mark. There were sides of Mark that not everyone was fortunate enough to see, but for those of us who did get to see them, we are surely blessed. Especially when it was not expected or seen as out of character for Mark. Like going out to the store, buying a beautiful heart necklace, and giving it to my wife before our wedding to welcome her to the family. Or calling me from a Toys R Us, desperate to find the perfect toy to give his nephew Michael. Or holding his nephew Danny, hours after he was born. The only thing Mark could say was, “I think I am gonna cry.”

I believe Mark touched a great many lives and those who we have seen this weekend, those who are here today, who have called and sent cards are a testament to that. He will continue to touch lives and be remembered……whether they personally knew Mark or not. His spirit will live on through each and every one of us. Because of Mark, every player I coach will hear Mark’s story and know the importance of knowing one’s body. In California, young men are learning the importance of this through newly established programs…..inspired by Mark.

Mark did a great many things in his life. He taught us all many things. He taught me to cherish the things I have in my life. To cherish my family. To cherish my wife and my boys. He taught me what dignity in life and death was. He was a leader and a source of inspiration to those who knew him. He did not command respect from anyone…..but he earned it from everyone. The greatest thing that Mark ever did was to accept Jesus into his heart. He ensured that we will meet him again in paradise. For those of you who have found inspiration through Mark’s journey, I hope Mark can help led you to open your heart to Jesus. Mark was wearing two medals around his neck when he died. One was his State Championship medal. The other was the Fellowship of Christian Athlete’s Courageous Heart medal. The inscription on the back of the medal read, “Strong to the Finish”. Looking back, I cannot help but to think how appropriate.

When you think of Mark, please do not think of Mark with cancer, think of him with his cocky smile. Think of a time where he made you smile…….. or made you proud. As Mark’s nephew Michael said, “If you keep them in your heart, they will always be there”.

We had many conversations through this journey, conversations that no older brother should have with his younger brother, but conversations that no one other than an older brother should have with his younger brother. Most of those conversations I will keep for our family. He told me how much he loved Michael and Daniel, and that he wished he knew how he could have shown them more. He told me that the only reason he was willing to go through all that he did was because of them. How could an uncle show his love better than that???? I was proud.