Yes, I meant to write comet..not comment.

On October 6, 1982 Mark was born.  I watched the rain..lots of rain...from my hospital bed at Deaconess and saw Highway 40 bumper to bumper for hours.  People going to Busch Stadium...then people coming back from Busch Stadium after the game was called.

I went home on Saturday. That evening, after the family and friends had left, I took a much needed nap.  Mark sat in his pumpkin seat on the kitchen table and watched the playoff game with his Dad.

Mark's first World Series events came the week he was born.  Ken and Mae Schnurbusch went to one of the games and got Mark a program.  I still have it packed away.

There were a couple of Cardinal World Series.  I remember dropping a 3 year old boy off at his Aunt Katie's so that Don, John and me could enjoy a WS game at Busch...compliments of Grandma Joyce sleeping on the sidewalk.  Mark didn't get to go but he watched the game with his Aunt Katie.

Whenever there were playoffs.....Mark would try everything he could do to get to the game.

In the spring of 2005, he came home from Memphis during the week specifically to go to a Cardinal's game.  Michael and Danny were at the house, and Mark spent the morning playing with Michael...then announced that he had to go to the baseball game.  "Watch for me on TV!!" he told Michael.  He dressed in his Cardinal jersey...and off he went.

I put on the TV to hear the game and went into our TV room...finding Michael inches from the television.  When I asked what he was doing he said "I am watching Uncle Mark play baseball."  He thought Mark was one of the Cardinals and Mark never let him believe otherwise.

Mark's last WS season....2006.  He was living back at home and loving every single minute of being in St. Louis.  He went to the last game....didn't have tickets....but was outside Busch Stadium.  After attending a Marcus Engel book opening.....his Aunt Debe met up with Mark and his friends.  I think Debe drove a couple of excited drunks home that night.  Some of my most favorite pictures of Mark were taken that night. 

I commented to him the next day that it must have really been "fun" having his aunt with him.  "She is a LOT of fun, Mom.  We had a really good time."

When I called Debe on December 27, 2006 to tell her Mark's cancer was back and that I needed her and Katie's help in breaking the news to my mom, the first thing she said was "I am so glad I had that night with him."  I know Mark felt the same way.

So, when the Cardinals won the other night over the Brewers (the same team that they played against in the WS in 1982)....I felt somewhat down.  My first world series without Mark.....and how he loved his Cardinals.

I like to the Cardinals in the World Series like Hailey's comet......a win in 1982 the month he was born....then no win until 2006....Mark's last full Cardinal season.

Something tells me he is back in town.

I only say on Mark's birthday how old he would have been.  Today that would be 29....but in my heart, in my mind, he is always 24.

This morning Don and I went to 6am Mass.  Wasn't sure if we would make it but Don set the alarm and woke me up.  It was dark when we went into the church, and dark when we came out.  A quick, typical 6am Mass...short, sweet, and to the point.  For the first time attending a "Mark Mass"....I didn't cry.

Don and I went out to breakfast, then came home and answered some emails.  I took a nice nap, and Don watched TV.  We spent a little time outside, then got ready to go to Mehlville to watch the freshmen play...but not before we made a couple of stops.

First, we picked up some balloons we had ordered for the boys to let go to Mark, then we went to the cemetery.  Don and me tied a birthday balloon to the wooden cross on his grave and again, I thought about the day he was born.  One of the best days in our lives....only one other day matches it and that is the day John was born.

We went over to John's house and waited for Daniel and Michael to get home from school.  Everyone piled in my car and we went to the game.  It was the first football game Joey had ever been to and he quickly learned the finer points of the concession stand.

It also didn't take long for Joey to spot his Daddy.  The boys kept waving until they finally got John's attention and he waved back.  The next best thing for me to watching John play football  (through that memory video I have in my head) is watching John coach football.  I love watching him on the sidelines interact with his players.  I kept thinking back on his football days...some of the most wonderful times we had.  I also thought of his brother....and how I wished his brother was here enjoying watching him, being proud of him.

Less than 5 minutes after thinking this I heard someone call me.....and saw a handsome young gentleman coming towards Don and me.  He had on a state semifinal pullover jacket that all of MY Panthers got a their Varsity banquets.  I honestly would never have recognized him...and then I saw his name on his jacket...Deonte......and immediately my heart melted.  One of John's teammates....one of his brothers.  One of MY boys.

I was so glad to see him.  Deonte always was one of my favorites and I proudly introduced him to John's boys.  Deonte told me he has four....FOUR!!! kids...two girls, two boys.  I told him that this was a special day....and he already knew it.  We laughed about the pregame meal that it was so cold outside, that after they had finished eating, all got into the drawer downstairs with Don's long underwear.  Deonte scored a couple of touchdowns that night...wearing Don's long underwear.  I reminded him that I could still see him running in those white football shoes of his.  I was pleased he was a strong family man, had a good job, and seemed very happy, content, successful.  Makes a mother...albeit team mother....proud.

The first time I met Deonte was on that day years ago when John brought a few....four I think, players home for lunch.  Deonte sat at my kitchen table after eating hamburgers that Mark had fixed.  Markie was cooking as fast as he can and it was that day, that instant, that I know Mark saw the companionship, the special teammate bond that John had with his teammates.  I know that is probably the start of Mark's football career....starting as a cook for a very special group of boys that I will think about, love, until the day I die.

But back to Deonte at my kitchen table.  He quietly, very politely, asked if me "Can we come back again?"  It was with Deonte that we set up the next lunch date.  When that day came....the entire team came over.....and the rest is pretty much history regarding the DeWalles and Panther football.

I thought about all of this while looking at that handsome man sitting with Don and me.  Just minutes before I had been thinking about brothers and how cheated I felt John had been losing Mark.   It had been years since I had seen Deonte.....and here he shows up minutes after I had been having these thoughts......the Panther that really started the DeWalle Panther pregame meals.

I also realized that although John has lost his brother, Mark.....he still has brothers that are there for him.  Deonte had not been back to Mehlville in years...yet it was at this moment, on this day...that he was there.

I watched as half-time was starting, Deonte run down on the sidelines and he and John hug one another.

I like to think it was Mark making this happen. 

I found it also a little magical the final score of the game was 24-0.  I am an angel mom and I have carte blanche in looking for signs.  For me, this was Mark telling us hi....and that he was at the game.  24 years old....forever.   24-0.  24 and holding.

Once again, a little bit of magic happens for me at the Mehlville footbal field.

I haven't posted here in a long while...last time right at Dragonfly Night.  There are just a couple of reasons why I haven't.

First, I just can't get used to this laptop keyboard.  Seems everytime I type, it skips or deletes because I touch that stupid laptop finger control mouse.  I have tried to dismantle it, just doesn't work.  The past day or two...either I am getting better, or the kinks have finally worked themselves out.

Second, I have spent the better part of the past year making a quilt for Mick and Kyla as a wedding gift.  I worked on it every single day and it was all done by hand.  If you want to see the finished work..go here:  Mick and Kyla's quilt  . I took one of Mark's shirts and made strips of it which I sewed inside the batting in parts of it.  I also quilted nearly 100 dragonflies in the border of the quilt.

Mark and Mick were closer than cousins....maybe the made up word "brosouins" is better.  One was light, one was dark; one was ying, the other yang.  They were three weeks apart, and almost everything that Mark did, somehow or other Mick was there. 

Mick's wedding was one of those top ten events which I knew was going to be stressful for me.  Last year, when they announced their wedding date, I couldn't think or talk about it without crying.  I was very very worried how the day would go.  I decided in October that I needed to do something.  I always realized this was Mick and Kyla's day, not Mark's......but I knew it was one wedding for sure (as well as his other cousins) that Mark would be so excited about.
So, I spent the past year sewing every night.  I would use the time to think about Mark and Mick and pray for them both.  When I turned the quilt over to Mick and Kyla....I felt like a big part of Mark had been given to them.

The wedding was beautiful....Kyla was stunning, Mick so handsome.  Danny was their ringbearer and Michael handed out programs.  I watched Tabby and John dance at the wedding and was so proud to see them together dancing.

Don and me only danced one dance.  We had more fun watching everyone else.  I think the desire to dance was taken away from us when Mark died...neither one of us really feel like dancing anymore.

Jeff gave a fabulous Best Man speech and mentioned Mark.  I was very surprised...and it made Don and me feel really good to hear people clap and cheer at Mark's names...our family, the Amelung family, and all of Mick's friends...a good many of them friends of Mark's as well.  I got a chance to hug those guys that came to Mark's side....Tribl, Schou, Hassler, Gilb.

In many of the flowers were tiny dragonflies.  How kind that was of Mick and Kyla to do that.....I know it was for Mark and for Don, John and me......and the thoughtfulness did not go unnoticed.

For the past two years, on this night, we sailed into Aruba.  Not so this year....finances just wouldn't allow it.  So, for the first time in two years we are spending Mark's birthday tomorrow at home.  Three years ago it was very very hard.  I am hoping that even though it is bittersweet, that we are in a better place.  There will be tears, I am sure.  I have learned that it is best not for me to work at certain points in the year....Dragonfly week, and mostly this week.

We spent the day getting our flu shots, picking up Don's medicine....then going to the Zoo with Joey.  We saw monkeys, baby goats, tigers, lion, bears, ducks and rode the choo-choo.  Just as good as sailing into Aruba.

I plan on resuming my blogs here.  I better...they doubled the monthly rates for it but I just can't let this website go.  It gives me peace, helps me get my thoughts in order....just like it did in 2007 and just how Mick's quilt helped me this past year.

One important thing I have realized over the past couple of months.  Taking into consideration all of the souls that have existed, do exist, will exist....God chose me to be Mark's mom out of all of those people.  For that, I won the lottery, and I am blessed.  That in itself, gives me some peace.

I noticed that we are about 32 "hits" to this site to reach 100,000.  It would be just so cool to hit that number for his birthday.

To all Mark's friends, to all of those he touched, he loved and to all of those that drop by here from time to time, please know it is not this website, not a quilt, not anything but your support that has helped our family.  We know he loved his friends, his cousins, his family and hearing from them from time to time helps us so much.  We feel your hugs.

For tomorrow.....we may go to 6am Mass at St. Francis.  I thought sure I had requested the 8am Mass but at least this time it is listed (unlike Dragonfly Night).  We plan on going to Mehlville High School to watch the freshman football team (coached by brother John!!), then after the game Don and me are going to go to Blarney Stone.  It looks different....but it is still the Blarney Stone and we can't think of a better place to go on Mark's birthday.

We are getting close.....both to 100,000 and to getting through Mark's birthday without too many tears.  Tomorrow will tell us if both will happen.